Can I say "In order to work this all" instead of "In order for this all to work" here?
Unfortunately no. That phrase sounds rather odd in English. You need the word "for" here because it is discussing the purpose of giving Dom private information. You could say "In order for all of this to work" instead, but "in order to work this all" doesn't make sense. Ex: In order for all of this to work, you need to really pay attention. Ex: In order for all of this to work, we all need to work together.
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